(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

  • Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

  • Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  • If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

  • War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

  • They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

  • Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

  • I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

  • In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

  • I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

  • A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

  • Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

  • There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.

  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

  • Where there's a will, there are relatives.

  • I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.